I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
