YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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