i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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