Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
