so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
