And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
