My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
