I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
