Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
