i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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