she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
