chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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