Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
