WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
