Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
