sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
