is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
