I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
