the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
