If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
