Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
