I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
