Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
