after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
