you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I won the penis lottery.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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