I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
