i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
