rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
