Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
if happy hour never ends, youโll never have to eat kale
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know itโs 1:30am on a Thursday.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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