who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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