my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
