he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
