you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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