dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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