Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
