My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
