why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
