the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
