This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
