dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
