i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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