Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
