where am i from again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
