Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
