youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
