fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
