So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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