shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
