the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
