Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
