now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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