No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
